tomorrow im starting a fast.  have failed all the others but now i realize that i really nee to lose weight. it is now or never. i need to i need to i need i need god help me. ANA be with me please u are all that i trust, you are all that i have. i already know how worthless i am so now all i need is your assistance and love because i know you love me and anyone who tells me that i look great doesn't love me because they know real well that i look like JUNK I HAT EMY APPEARANCE. if i was the other twin i would kill m y self because it would be a shame to have someone like me in my life. that is why it is so uncomfortable to walk with someone fat because i always feel like the biggest , i dont know if anyone would ever understand  me but i will do what  i  have to do because that is what i want right now. people get what they wnt why i sit so hard for me to be happy. why am i so busy satisfying people.

yesterday night i argued with my mom.she is making my life miserable.i stayed days in the house doing everything she tells me,and just because i wanted to go out yesterday and breath some fresh air doesn't mean she can tell me that i am the worst person on earth.the reason why i cannot like my mom like a normal teenager likes her mom is that she doesn't even like it when i have a single crush on someone.she wants to mind my business,she doesn't care about my feelings,she thinks that she is always right ,she never admits it when she's wrong,and all those things she does push me to doing things i shouldn't or that i don't want to do.the worst things she says to me when she's mad is that if she knew how i would turn out to be(my interests in boys),she would have killed me the day i was born where no one is around cuz if she did she would have never suffered.one day she even said she wished i was dead,she thinks the hospital gave her the wrong baby cuz i look nothing like her.she thinks she knows how i feel.well she can't know because she is not me.she says that i hate her,i have no affection for my brother and sister,that i want my dad to die because he is diabetic.i try to not give a fuck about all she says about me.i try to make my fucking life perfect!! i ignore her and walk away,but she follows me yelling in my ear reminding me each time that i am useless!!i spend all my time in the house watching tv,surfing on the enternet,eating,and going to the toilet.now i'll answer all her stupid comments about me.

The reason why i am the worst person on earth is that i have nobody i can share my feelings with.
The reason why i don't like her is because i love her.
The reason why i like boys is that i'm not a lesbian.
The reason why she didn't kill me the day i was born was because it wasn't my time to die and that god loves me.
The reason why she might have gotten the wrong baby is because her real baby might have avoided her.
The reason why i don't look like her is that i am ugly,mean.and a total teenager.
The reason why she can't tell me how i feel is that she doesn't care.
The reason why she's never wrong is that she has never been told.
The reason why i have no affection is that i don't know what it is.
The reason why i want my dad to die is that you think so.

hear me today and hear me always.
i love you dad more than anything in this world,but i cannot always show it when i don't know how people do.
mom you think you know me,but you got a long way to go.
if someone had to die it would never be dad.
it would be ME.


now let me tell you why i am a perfect fit for ana-mia
the only person i can count on is ana because she too thinks that i am useless.
mia does something that nobody has ever done for me:she gives me a second chance.
why would i abandon the good things in my life?


well for anyone who think they can brainwash me to not be anorexic:
IN YOUR OWN DEAD DREAMS.

i love ana she is like a child to me.
and mom,that doesn't mean i am thinking about having sex. screw anyone who thinks negative about me.